Menu & Search


Shelly J. Miller is a professional Intuitive Counselor, Psychic Medium and Transformational Coach known for accessing detailed information to help you release limiting patterns to effect healing and lasting change. Send questions to To book a private reading or coaching session, call (949) 237-2960 or go to

Dear Shelly,

I recently got a call from a girlfriend of 40 years telling me I must stop any communication with her ex-husband who has also been a family friend for 40 years and is happily remarried. My friend, her ex and my family have always checked in on each other’s kids and now she tells me that I have to choose between my friendship with her or her ex. She is inferring an inappropriate relationship with her ex where none exists. Where is this coming from after so many years? I am mad as hell at the inference and at having to choose between two good friends. I’m not calling her back until she apologizes.

Dear Mad as Hell,

As I read the situation intuitively I see that there truly is nothing inappropriate going on between you and her ex-husband. This is a cry for love from your girlfriend who has an ongoing pattern of trying to control others due to her belief in the scarcity of love. It feels to me that this behavior has always been her M.O. and that you and her ex are well aware of this. The difference is, this time it’s pointed at you.

Allow your compassion for her instead of your anger. You are a safe person to direct anger at because she knows you love her. You are actually angry at the thought of losing a dear friend of 40 years so perhaps you have a similar belief in the scarcity of love. Forgive her. Staying angry and wanting to be right plays into your ego, keeps you from your peace, and is not loving. Call the ex and kindly explain what is going on. No need to end communication between you. Call or write to your girlfriend and, without defending yourself, tell her you love both her and her ex and you will not be choosing sides. Tell her you are here in loving support if she would like to talk about what’s really bothering her.  I feel she will come around and be grateful for you not abandoning her. We can only love people and have compassion without buying in to their fear. Forgiveness is always the answer.

Leave a Comment